The internal world of the human being is like an orchestra, or a democracy with lots of coalitions vying for power and control. We can feel generous and stingy; kind and mean; confident and fearful; calm and restless, all within the same 20 or 30 minutes. All of us have lots of different sounds blaring inside at times—and often, no one conducting the orchestra.

What does it mean to be well mentally and emotionally? It means being free of mental and emotional patterns that prevent you from living the way you want to live, living according to your values. Note- it does not mean being free of emotional pain. Feeling sad, anxious, lonely, angry and empty are factory-installed features for human beings. Being 'well' is a capacity to have those feelings- without being significantly thrown off your path.

Thinking about doing some work on a relationship, or trying some couples counseling? In my opinion, one of the first and best things you can do is check on your relationship to pain. As in, are you willing to feel it? Because if you're in avoidance, denial, blame or other forms of resistance to pain, don't bother. You're already disqualifying yourself from getting much of anywhere but into a deeper hole.

It's not you. This adult life is really hard to get right at times. Have some self-compassion. Everyone, myself included, is fighting a hard battle. We all get out of wack mentally and emotionally, and we have no idea how to get back in wack. It's not a personal failing. The playing field is tilted against us being sane a significant bit of the time.